I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
