Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
