I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
