Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
