I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
