so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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