well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
