He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
