Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
