I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
