i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
