i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I need water and some morals
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize