I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
