dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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