she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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