i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
