I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
