I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
no you cant smoke seaweed
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
