Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
