First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
