you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I deserve this hangover.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize