Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize