Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Drake has all the answers
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
