PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Randomize
