WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
