I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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