I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
