dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
