I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
