My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
