Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize