I just pynch a tree in the face
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
