Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
