Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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