How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
