I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
