happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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