Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
