I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
