weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
