she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
There's always time for handjobs
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize