i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
