JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Operation Purity has been aborted
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
