Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
