Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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