VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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