You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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