I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
