never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
