We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize