How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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