he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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