69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i now understand why vodka
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
