my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
