She said her name was "party"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
