she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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