Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
