I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Are we still banned from the library?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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