I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
