why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
