My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
